when i need to press pause

it’s no secret that i’ve struggled with taking life slow lately, especially as i continue with this transition out of full-time missions and resuming “normal” life here at home. most days seem just too…much. i can’t fit it all in.

and you know what? i’m tired of trying.

i’m taking on too much, spreading myself too thin, and my weariness is a direct result of all my striving, to do + accomplish + succeed.

the other night, as i was praying about all this, i felt led to read Ecclesiastes 3.

perhaps you know it. it’s a beautiful passage of scripture that reminds us there is a time and place for everything.

a time to tear down and a time to build.
a time to weep and a time to laugh.
a time to mourn and a time to dance.
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them.
a time to embrace and a time to refrain.
a time to search and a time to give up.
a time to keep and a time to throw away.
a time to tear and a time to mend.
a time to be silent and a time to speak.

a time to be silent.

the more i thought about it, the more i wondered if this is exactly what i need in this season.

a time to shut it all off, to step away, to hibernate.
a time to listen instead of asking.
a time to do away with words,
to stop–
to pause.

                     [Photo by Leonard John Matthews; Creative Commons]

and so i’m embarking on a 30-day fast, if you will, in which i’m shutting down and shutting off. this blog will go quiet, as will all my social media sites. (i’ll still be replying to urgent emails and/or texts and phone calls, such as those regarding the love letters for liberia project.) i’m going to be jealous of what little “free” time i have these days, and as a result, will be saying no more often than i’ll be saying yes to social engagements and things of that nature. (“it’s not you; it’s me.” no, i’m serious. it is.)

Our culture has made a virtue of living only as extroverts. We discouraged the inner journey, the quest for a center. So we lost our center and have to find it again. Anaïs Nin

i’ve learned a lot in this past year or so about self-care, about listening to what my heart and soul and body and mind need and acting accordingly. and i know: i need to get back to my center. somewhere along the way, lines got crossed and everything became messy and i got a little bit lost. and because i always want to be the best version of me that i can, i’m slowing down and pressing pause.

and i’m looking forward to finding my way back again.

One thought on “when i need to press pause

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