the wedding song

back then,
we were young
and life was so simple,
even when i tried to make it hard.

(i guess i didn’t want easy,
didn’t think i deserved something 
that i didn’t have to work for.)

we didn’t have much,
and we didn’t really know much
in the ways of honesty
and commitment,
and what it actually meant when we promised ‘till death do us part.

like i said,
we were young.
we tried to play our grownup roles,
but the shoes were too big to fit us,
and we got lost in our costumes
that neither of us knew how to wear.

looking back,
i think we understood this;
in fact, i know we did.
it’s probably the reason i retreated.
i’m sure it’s the reason you cheated.

and so, when the breakdown
began,
i wanted to blame you.
my screams
and every tear i cried,
the silence,
the outbursts—
they all were one pointed, accusing finger
aimed directly towards you.
it was you that was constructively
tearing apart
what we both knew had been broken
for a long, long time.

in the aftermath,
when Freedom found me
and held my hand as i surveyed the ruins
and assessed the damage,
i finally decided to stop fighting,
to not try and wake the dead,
to leave “us” buried in the dust
and ashes
and all of our sad, broken pieces.

it was then 
that i realized
i really had been in love once.
you and i, old friend,
i see that we did 
love each other—

the best we could, anyway;
the only way we knew how.

and so i vowed that i would
embrace
this life of mine, now filled
with all things new.
(i will not make the same mistake twice)

‘till death do us part.

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